maladaptive daydreaming

 I've honestly thought about starting a blog for quite a while, and this time I finally did. It's silly, because who will even want to read my mindless babbling, no one. I just wanna keep this as a log for myself. 

I'm going into freshman year in a few months and I need to figure myself out. I'm not super mentally ill or anything, but I've experienced some serious maladaptive daydreaming. I mean, to the point where I'm convinced that this reality isn't real and I'll be okay, hanging around in Tony Stark's tower in no time (yes, I'm a Marvel fanatic). 

It's weird, I know that I'm real, and I know that I'm not Peter Parker or Spiderman in any means, but it's a coping thing, I guess. When my parents yell at me, all I can think about is how excited I am to go back to daydreaming about being who I wanna be. I dissociate, nod, agree to whatever they're yelling at me about, and daydream away. Coping, like I said. 

I haven't really told this to anyone yet, not even my therapist, but I wanted to get it off of my chest. Hopefully when I'm older, I'll look back on this and be glad that I don't escape reality and cope by daydreaming for hours. I hope, I really do, that I can be better. I want to, but this façade of me being a superhero with my favorite characters from my favorite movies. This façade of me having great parents and a support system behind my back. I don't want to give it up. 

I sound pretty mentally ill right now, so I'm gonna sign off and eat breakfast. Buh-bye.